When I speak of balance my friend I am talking about a woman who is in the process of balancing being a woman of God as well as a woman of recovery. Now I am told to put my recovery first, then in the spirit I am told to put God first. Well, well, well!!!!! So this is how I see it God comes first, I serve no other Gods but the true and living God…. when it comes to worship, however, in the natural my recovery must come first. So yes, God and my recovery comes first. These are two totally different dimensions, yes?
When I speak of being single yes I do mean never married but I believe that the married should also be married yet single in the mind and hearts to God. Yes the word says he/she who is married cares for the things of the world how he/she may please her husband. Again never married but just a thought should they still have to have a secret place of worship, a quiet time of prayer and fasting, a moment in the word. Yes, I believe so….However, lets get back to what I have experience in and my prayer is that if any married couples stumble upon this blog, that they could glean some something from it.
Single! I have been in relationships, single! I have lived with men, shacking, single! Single! Single! Single! Proposed too, told I was sent by GOD….lolol only to still remain single. I remember after every relationship I would come out alive of sitting in a quiet place alone saying to God, Well here I am again Lord just me and you….God in a loving and kind voice would say to me, ” You keep trying to put people where they should not be, in my time, not yours…” Because I didn’t trust God and He was taking too long…I would choose my flesh, my desires, and what I wanted every time only to be hurt, manipulated, and abused by the next man who almost always came with another stronger drug.
Yea, single! God had told me that it was not time. Long, long, time ago! Rebellious was I….wasn’t nothing funny at the time. I’m told that I suffer from the dis- ease of addiction, I come to find that through experience to be a fact and so what is the remedy. The remedy is not to use nothing drugs, people, places, and things, work a 12 step program, talk to my sponsor, get a support system…..go to meetings. The ultimate for me is getting a God of my understanding. Well I understand Him to be Jesus, who is my Lord and Savior.
Now on with the singleness, well talk about my life of drugs and alcohol and how God delivered me in length on another page.
For years I always felt that I need a man. From a kid your parents teach you how to desire things that I believe they didn’t mean, but it just happened. You know, barbie and Ken dolls, kitchen sets, baby dolls with bottles and the whole nine. Then the next door neighbors son come over and you try to make him the daddy to your family…..your the mom….and it all begins…….the root of the lie.
To Be Continued….