Not Until God Says

I have really learned and began to understand that it’s not over until God says. We sing songs, quote to one another, but this is a proven fact in my own personal life. God is in control and it is truly all in his timing. We say “It’s all working together for the Good”, and it is. I am now in a season of my life, that when I first began you could have never told me that things would work together as it has. I had to totally rely on God for every outcome in my life.

Yes I pray, and put in the foot work, however, the outcome and glory belongs to God. I am in a place where I believe as a woman in hiding (the cocoon stage), I believe I can see the sunlight and there is a loosening of the chrysalis. Now, that doesn’t mean that my process is starting to feel better, on the contrary, it appears to be getting tighter. The process is one that would love to keep us right there in “the process”. I hear all the time, “girl it’s a process”, “God’s not through with me yet”….yadddda yadaaa….When do we understand that there are processes, and most of them don’t take the rest of your life. There is a few that we will be processed in such as sanctification or healing….some will be automatic, while others aren’t so long. It is up to me to be sensitive to the spirit of God to know when each season is up, so that I can break out and, or break forth.

Let’s not stay in a process that is only suppose to take a while and turn it into a lifestyle. We all miss God sometimes, forfeit, and even delay what we are suppose to walk into. When God makes us aware of these places, pray for direction, get back in line and do what is necessary to keep moving. We never want to remain stagnant. I have been in all three of these places and praise God for his love and mercy for helping me to move. I can personally be very hard headed, not proud of that, but now is not the time to forget the path, the call, or the purposes of God in my life.

I see more distractions on the horizon, right at the break of day, all heal tends to break loose, this is when we push, pray, and push….We don’t give up, and we don’t go back no matter what. Temptation arises, so what! Even if we fall to the temptation, GET UP, and move it, move it, move it! You are not alone, as I know that I am not! God is able, and in this we must allow God to be number one in our lives!

It’s not over until God says, I am a living witness about this wonderful group of words. God never gave up on me, even when I through in the towel with my silly self and wanted to do things my way. He was always right there to pick me up when I called on his wonderful name. Jesus has never failed me yet! So I turn it over. Still guff up, but I will never forget what he has done for me, how he has set me free, how he has brought me out….Nope, Never.


Trust in your process, give your heart to him.



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The Balance

When I speak of balance my friend I am talking about a woman who is in the process of balancing being a woman of God as well as a woman of recovery. Now I am told to put my recovery first, then in the spirit I am told to put God first. Well, well, well!!!!! So this is how I see it God comes first, I serve no other Gods but the true and living God…. when it comes to worship, however, in the natural my recovery must come first. So yes, God and my recovery comes first. These are two totally different dimensions, yes?

With my whole heart God is the only God I call Him Jesus….I worship and serve only Him….No one and nothing else is to be compared to Him…..In the morning when I wake it is He who wakes me, talks with me and walks with me….He strengthens ┬áme to walk in my recovery! He keeps me clean. With my will and life turned over to God, He helps me to recover one day at a time just for today!!!!!
When we say that we go to any lengths to stay clean, we mean that just like we walked rain, sleet, snow, and hail to get one more, than we do just the same to get to a meeting. We reached out to whoever was available to find the best dope, and we must with the same fervor reach out to another recovering addict and call before and not after we use. We get numbers and we use them, we go to meetings, we listen, we help, we identify and don’t compare. We read, write and get a sponsor, we use our sponsor…..We stay clean. We pray, we get a God of our own understanding. Mine is Jesus!
Same as should be in the body of Christ! We live clean from sin, we pray, we strive to stay holy. We fellowship with other like minded saints. We suppose to identify and not compare. We read, we write, we listen to the man of woman of God and we grow in the things of God…..We become of service in the rooms and in church…..We pray for each other, we help, we minister Jesus, we give back what was so freely given to us…
Now in the rooms they may think I do to much for Christ as in church they may think I do to much for recovering addicts idk. All i do know is there is no God without recovery for me, and there is not recovery without God……


When I speak of being single yes I do mean never married but I believe that the married should also be married yet single in the mind and hearts to God. Yes the word says he/she who is married cares for the things of the world how he/she may please her husband. Again never married but just a thought should they still have to have a secret place of worship, a quiet time of prayer and fasting, a moment in the word. Yes, I believe so….However, lets get back to what I have experience in and my prayer is that if any married couples stumble upon this blog, that they could glean some something from it.

Single! I have been in relationships, single! I have lived with men, shacking, single! Single! Single! Single! Proposed too, told I was sent by GOD….lolol only to still remain single. I remember after every relationship I would come out alive of sitting in a quiet place alone saying to God, Well here I am again Lord just me and you….God in a loving and kind voice would say to me, ” You keep trying to put people where they should not be, in my time, not yours…” Because I didn’t trust God and He was taking too long…I would choose my flesh, my desires, and what I wanted every time only to be hurt, manipulated, and abused by the next man who almost always came with another stronger drug.

Yea, single! God had told me that it was not time. Long, long, time ago! Rebellious was I….wasn’t nothing funny at the time. I’m told that I suffer from the dis- ease of addiction, I come to find that through experience to be a fact and so what is the remedy. The remedy is not to use nothing drugs, people, places, and things, work a 12 step program, talk to my sponsor, get a support system…..go to meetings. The ultimate for me is getting a God of my understanding. Well I understand Him to be Jesus, who is my Lord and Savior.

Now on with the singleness, well talk about my life of drugs and alcohol and how God delivered me in length on another page.

For years I always felt that I need a man. From a kid your parents teach you how to desire things that I believe they didn’t mean, but it just happened. You know, barbie and Ken dolls, kitchen sets, baby dolls with bottles and the whole nine. Then the next door neighbors son come over and you try to make him the daddy to your family…..your the mom….and it all begins…….the root of the lie.

To Be Continued….