The Balance

When I speak of balance my friend I am talking about a woman who is in the process of balancing being a woman of God as well as a woman of recovery. Now I am told to put my recovery first, then in the spirit I am told to put God first. Well, well, well!!!!! So this is how I see it God comes first, I serve no other Gods but the true and living God…. when it comes to worship, however, in the natural my recovery must come first. So yes, God and my recovery comes first. These are two totally different dimensions, yes?

With my whole heart God is the only God I call Him Jesus….I worship and serve only Him….No one and nothing else is to be compared to Him…..In the morning when I wake it is He who wakes me, talks with me and walks with me….He strengthens ┬áme to walk in my recovery! He keeps me clean. With my will and life turned over to God, He helps me to recover one day at a time just for today!!!!!
When we say that we go to any lengths to stay clean, we mean that just like we walked rain, sleet, snow, and hail to get one more, than we do just the same to get to a meeting. We reached out to whoever was available to find the best dope, and we must with the same fervor reach out to another recovering addict and call before and not after we use. We get numbers and we use them, we go to meetings, we listen, we help, we identify and don’t compare. We read, write and get a sponsor, we use our sponsor…..We stay clean. We pray, we get a God of our own understanding. Mine is Jesus!
Same as should be in the body of Christ! We live clean from sin, we pray, we strive to stay holy. We fellowship with other like minded saints. We suppose to identify and not compare. We read, we write, we listen to the man of woman of God and we grow in the things of God…..We become of service in the rooms and in church…..We pray for each other, we help, we minister Jesus, we give back what was so freely given to us…
Now in the rooms they may think I do to much for Christ as in church they may think I do to much for recovering addicts idk. All i do know is there is no God without recovery for me, and there is not recovery without God……
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Singleness

When I speak of being single yes I do mean never married but I believe that the married should also be married yet single in the mind and hearts to God. Yes the word says he/she who is married cares for the things of the world how he/she may please her husband. Again never married but just a thought should they still have to have a secret place of worship, a quiet time of prayer and fasting, a moment in the word. Yes, I believe so….However, lets get back to what I have experience in and my prayer is that if any married couples stumble upon this blog, that they could glean some something from it.

Single! I have been in relationships, single! I have lived with men, shacking, single! Single! Single! Single! Proposed too, told I was sent by GOD….lolol only to still remain single. I remember after every relationship I would come out alive of sitting in a quiet place alone saying to God, Well here I am again Lord just me and you….God in a loving and kind voice would say to me, ” You keep trying to put people where they should not be, in my time, not yours…” Because I didn’t trust God and He was taking too long…I would choose my flesh, my desires, and what I wanted every time only to be hurt, manipulated, and abused by the next man who almost always came with another stronger drug.

Yea, single! God had told me that it was not time. Long, long, time ago! Rebellious was I….wasn’t nothing funny at the time. I’m told that I suffer from the dis- ease of addiction, I come to find that through experience to be a fact and so what is the remedy. The remedy is not to use nothing drugs, people, places, and things, work a 12 step program, talk to my sponsor, get a support system…..go to meetings. The ultimate for me is getting a God of my understanding. Well I understand Him to be Jesus, who is my Lord and Savior.

Now on with the singleness, well talk about my life of drugs and alcohol and how God delivered me in length on another page.

For years I always felt that I need a man. From a kid your parents teach you how to desire things that I believe they didn’t mean, but it just happened. You know, barbie and Ken dolls, kitchen sets, baby dolls with bottles and the whole nine. Then the next door neighbors son come over and you try to make him the daddy to your family…..your the mom….and it all begins…….the root of the lie.

To Be Continued….